Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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