1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
