I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
