I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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