We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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