i was born a porn star she said
Welp...herpes.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
