my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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