the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
