I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
okay pat passed out under dana's car
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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