Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
