He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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