and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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