"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
