He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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