I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
