Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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