Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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