from now on my penis is your penis
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
