420 ftw
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
wakey wakey hands off snakey
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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