Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
