we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
