i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
