I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just tell him i said nine months
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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