do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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