Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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