Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
