you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize