Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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