did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
