Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
