Where is the hickey?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
