Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
