Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
