Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
