just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
