Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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