I cut my penus on the lid.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
