Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
