Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
