Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
