Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
