the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
