What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
