hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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