We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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