She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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