I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
