im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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