I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Is Oprah even human
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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