careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
