How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
pray to the hookup gods
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize