does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
