tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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