I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
