you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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