Your mouth is God's brothel.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Welp...herpes.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
