mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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