I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
