remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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