the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize