Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
