somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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