What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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