if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
