She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
