I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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