if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
True strength comes from lack of pants
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Such a big mess for such a small penis
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
