She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
