i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
They took my balls.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
