Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
